In Memoriam: 小舅舅
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
One evening a month ago, I was sitting in my room sticker journaling when I saw on the extended family LINE chat that my 小舅舅, my mom’s younger brother, had been taken by ambulance to the hospital. My mom’s side of the family had gotten together for a very early Tomb Sweeping Day, and while they were out on the mountain, my uncle suffered a stroke. After the initial tests at the hospital, the doctors said his stroke wasn’t severe enough for surgery, but it was also such that the best case scenario would be that, if he underwent serious physical therapy, he would walk with a cane. We never got to that point, however, because after two weeks in the hospital, during which my uncle was mostly unconscious or minimally responsive, he passed away.
At the time, I was in Galveston for a Spring Break weekend trip with my small group. We had rented a large house to fit 14 adults and 13 kids. On Saturday morning, I talked to my parents as usual, and my mom said that while my uncle had seemed to be doing a little better earlier in the week, it wasn’t looking good anymore. He had pneumonia and wasn’t responding well to treatment. He also had a lot of phlegm that needed to be constantly suctioned out. The doctors were considering administering morphine to ease his breathing. That night, after our small group had hung out in the pool, done yoga, eaten hot pot, waged war against mosquitos, and briefly considered cooking a blue crab we found in the pond, my mom messaged me saying that my uncle had passed. He was 64 years-old.
Like with my grandma’s passing in 2017 and my older uncle’s passing less than three years ago, I made arrangements to fly back to Taiwan to attend the funeral. Each successive time, there have been more things to consider. For my grandma, it was fairly simple; I was eligible for bereavement leave and didn’t yet have a child, so I just up and went. For my older uncle, we asked Erik’s parents to come and help for the weekend. This time, Erik decide to solo parent (his parents had just had Augustine over at their house for a week for Spring Break), flight prices were up significantly, and the TSA was in the news for crazy long lines. A direct flight to Taiwan cost nearly four thousand dollars (!), so I booked a cheaper United flight with a layover in San Francisco. Erik and I monitored the security wait times at IAH, which were regularly around four hours.
My flight was on Friday at 7 AM, so I ultimately decided to get to the airport the night before. While this meant I had to spend 11 hours at the airport before my flight, I think it was the right decision. At 8 PM on Thursday, the TSA line at Terminal A was very short, and I got through in 13 minutes! (The next morning, it was back to being a several hours’ wait.) I was even able to sleep for a few hours at my gate—albeit very uncomfortably—though it soon became too cold. I then slept all through my flight to San Francisco, got my customary clam chowder and sourdough at Ladle & Leaf, 100%-ed two short video games, was sorely disappointed by the United Airlines food, watched a couple movies, and made it to Taiwan on Saturday night. After nearly 33 hours of travel, my neck had never hurt so much!
Sunday, March 29
My uncle’s funeral was not until Monday, and there weren’t any other scheduled events, so I spent Sunday with my parents in Zhubei. We dined at my favorite restaurant (sadly, they were out of one of my favorite dishes that day), shopped for stickers at the department store, and ate more noodles than we had had in months. Erik and I have been doing a pretty good job with drastically cutting down on the starches and refined carbs we’re eating, and my parents have also been trying to stick to a mostly plant-based diet, so my two days in Taiwan were a fun, noodle-laden break. We did also have a meal at my parents’ go-to hot pot place, which is really one of the only kinds of restaurants you can eat at in Taiwan and not have to get rice, noodles, or dumplings.
Monday, March 30
On Monday, we took the HSR to Banqiao, where my 阿姨 and 姨丈 picked us up and drove to the funeral site. My cousin, one of my uncle’s two daughters, had said that there were only small funeral rooms and large ones, no medium-sized rooms, so she booked a small room since she wasn’t sure how many guests to expect. I guess RSVPing to funerals isn’t really a thing? But between my aunts and uncles, cousins, and cousins’ children, our family took up half of the seats. And in the end, a good number of other people attended, from my uncle’s college classmates to former colleagues. Multiple family members commented that I hadn’t needed to travel all the way back for the funeral, but I told them I wanted to and that it was important to me. I am the only person on my mom’s side of the family who doesn’t live in Taiwan and one of the only believers, so I hope that by making the effort and going back, I can express to my non-believing family members not only my love for them but also the love of Christ.
The funeral was fairly simple, with a monk chanting, family members and different groups of guests burning incense and bowing, and an open casket portion. Because the funeral site did not have a cremation facility, after the ceremony we drove to a different location for the cremation. While the cremation was taking place, we ate lunch together. Despite us coming together for a sad occasion, my aunts, uncles, and cousins seemed to be in relatively good spirits, and it was nice to chat and hang out for a while. After the cremation was completed, we drove to a third location, a burial ground on a mountain, where we laid my uncle to rest under the trees.
I left Taiwan on Tuesday afternoon. I was supposed to have a several hours-long layover in San Francisco, but I managed to make it on an earlier flight to Houston and got home safely on Tuesday evening.
Not counting the final few years of his life, my 小舅舅 was a jovial person. Our extended family would always gather at his house for Chinese New Year and other celebrations, as my grandparents had lived with him and his family for years until their deaths. A lot of things didn’t go his way in life though, and the memory of him will sadly always be stained by alcoholism. However, I will remember my uncle for his filial piety, sensitivity, and efforts to make me feel included in the family.
Rest in peace.
