Spring Break and Beyond
I bought a Steam Deck
Augustine was on Spring Break two weeks ago, and I am grateful that Erik’s mom drove down to help us for part of the week so we wouldn’t have to take as much PTO. Erik and I actually both got sick around that time. I had a sore throat on Tuesday and left the office on Wednesday morning to sleep for six hours. After that, I still had a sore throat but felt much better. Erik was less fortunate; he started feeling bad on Friday and was basically out for the count from Saturday until Monday. He took a Covid test on Tuesday and it was positive, so I assume what I had was also Covid. Thankfully, Augustine doesn’t appear to be sick, we didn’t get Erik’s mom sick, and Erik and I weren’t sick at the same time1.
By the end of Spring Break, my period was late. I feel conflicted about taking pregnancy tests when it’s still early on. On one hand, if I really am pregnant, I’ll know eventually when my period never comes. And psychologically, when my period is late, there is hope, and if I take a test and it is negative, the bubble bursts. But I also want to minimize disappointment, so the few times my period has been a little late, I eventually took a pregnancy test to put myself out of my misery. So, last week I took a test, and it was negative. That was sad in and of itself, but I felt further frustration at my period not being here yet. Knowing I’m not pregnant while waiting for my period to come is the most powerless place to be. In addition, my frustration was compounded by a difficult morning with Augustine that day and Erik being sick and me knowing I couldn’t be mad at Erik for being sick but still feeling upset by the increased responsibilities I had had to take on because of it. I took control away from my emotions though and ended the day on a positive note; Erik and I watched The Mitchells vs. the Machines on Netflix and it was great.
At around the same time and mostly unrelated2, I began thinking about buying a Steam Deck. The Steam Deck is a handheld gaming computer developed by Valve, the company behind well-known game franchises such as Half-Life, Counter-Strike, and Dota as well as the software distribution platform Steam. With my recent enthusiastic return to gaming, I’ve been spending much of my free time playing at my computer with mouse and keyboard, though for some games I prefer the wireless Xbox controller we own. So I thought, if I’m playing with a controller anyway, then I want to have the option to not sit at my desk. It would be nice to, for example, play on the couch next to Erik while he watches TV3.
I have a Switch Lite, but the left joystick drifts noticeably and I’d have to buy games from the Nintendo eShop, which seldom has good sales and confines me to Nintendo’s narrow ecosystem. Steam, on the other hand, has great sales—in fact, I picked up a couple games during the recent Steam Spring Sale—and is so much more versatile. Valve’s own Steam Deck, though admittedly a hefty financial investment for a hobby, would allow me to buy a game once on Steam and play either handheld or docked. With this reasoning, my much-decreased stinginess4, and Erik’s assent, I did a bunch of research and ordered a Steam Deck 512 GB OLED model.
I am a little embarrassed to say that I spent all of last week refreshing my order page and, later, UPS tracking page. I subscribed to r/SteamDeck and searched for other people’s shipping experiences. I researched Deck accessories and ordered a screen protector and grip case. I watched YouTube unboxings and reviews. I don’t remember the last time I was so excited for an online purchase. Then, on Saturday, it arrived! So far, the experience has been great. I’ve been playing Littlewood and am satisfied with the performance and battery life. I also want to try Doraemon Story of Seasons: Friends of the Great Kingdom and revisit Stray. The Steam Deck is huge though, and my wrists are already susceptible to strain with the Switch Lite, so that’s something I’ll need to keep in mind.
Back to my secondary infertility struggles, my period came on Sunday. It is probably cognitive bias, but I feel like over the last year my period has more often than not come on a Sunday. I’m choosing to interpret this as God inviting me to depend on Him. One line that stood out to me from last Sunday’s sermon was to focus on the joy of the Lord, which is my strength.
It brings back memories of the few days in May 2022 when Erik and I were both incapacitated by Covid. Nick came over to help us with Augustine (who was also sick), and later, Erik’s mom drove down from Fort Worth to Cypress, and Nick took Augustine to Cypress. Then, Nick and Erik’s mom both got sick too… it was a rough time.
“Mostly unrelated” because retail therapy is a thing
Erik recently watched and enjoyed 3 Body Problem and Reacher Season 2.
I attribute my relaxed attitude toward spending money to three things: age (where, as you get older, you begin to value time more than money), becoming a parent (you definitely value time more than money), and fluoxetine (I am just more chill about everything now).